How do Shimmeronians entertain themselves?

HELLO MY LOYAL FANBASE!

Did you notice there is snow on Mars? I could have told you that! We Shimmeronians figured that out AGES ago! 

I've received just one inquiry this month. On to it!

Nate asks...

    Hey, Tom! I have a question.

    So here on Earth we have so many conveniences, such as shopping from home while online or, my favorite, on TV. Do you have similar conveniences on Shimmeron? I'm interested to know what kinds of products are available As Seen on TV, or whatever device you use.

    Thanks!

We in Shimmeron have more conveniences and consumer electronics than you could dream! In fact, all of our bodegas and convenience marts sell "lifestyle devices." On Shimmeron, we apply that label to anything that makes life easier, or sexier. We don't have a thing such as the Internet, because our hair contains fiber optics that enables us to pass data back-and-forth to each other via thought. And this whole time you probably thought my hair was made of easter grass!

 To answer your next question, After "surfing the web" I came to the conclusion that much of your As Seen on TV merchandise is crap (with the exceptions of ShamWOW! and Chixen6900). But like I said before, we can purchase a wide array of goods anywhere, so we don't have a use for As Seen on TV. 

I should also mention that the obesity rate on Shimmeron is 0%...

First, an apology

First, let me apologize for my late entry. It's been a while since I posted, and I am sorry for neglecting you.

But I must explain myself... you see, I attended a Zombie social last week and have been fighting a killer hangover ever since. That's right, I've had a hangover for one week. You know, we just don't have alcohol on Shimmeron like they do on Earth!

Want to see some pics? Of course you do!

Visit my Facebook for more!

Michael asks:

So you probably get this a lot, but I'm wondering who would win in a three-legged race between Barack and Michelle Obama and John and Cindy McCain? And do you think that is a good basis for choosing the next president? BTW: How do they choose presidents on Shimmeron?

As always, I look forward to your sage advice.

Well, Michael... this is a tough question. Rumor has it that John McCain cannot lift his arms past his shoulders. So can he even use his arms to propel himself in a three-legged race? The way I picture it, he and Cindy have one leg tied to the other's one leg, and they wave their arms bag and forth to help them move. 

But then again, in 2008 it is possible to have advanced robotics in one's body without anyone knowing. In that case, John and Cindy would beat the tar out of Michelle and Barack. As far as I can tell, Barack's physique is 100% muscle, and no robotics. Michelle looks to be in good physical shape as well, but really, can they compete with a robot? 

As far as choosing Presidents on Shimmeron goes, it can get complicated. Our population is 4 million strong, and anyone is eligible to be president, as long as they have the desire. Every four years, each Shimmeronian who wants to be President gathers at the planet capital, Shimmersburg, and engages in a contest to see who wins. We don't vote for Presidents... we play a cutthroat game of Heads Up, 7-Up.

You may think this crazy, but Shimmeron has never had war, famine or global warming. Maybe the U.S. could learn a thing or two? You should really present the 3-legged race idea to your Congress.

Again, Michael, thanks for your inquiries.

Katie asks:

Thanks for all the advice, Tom! It sounds like going to Shimmeron would be an amazing adventure. I'm going to start looking for jewelry tomorrow.

But maybe I should focus on that inter galactic passport first. Can you provide some advice on how an Earthling can apply for one? 

Well, Katie, provide you have the cashflow, obtaining an Intergalactic Passport shouldn't be a problem. It's not that Intergalactic Passports themselves are expensive... it's that on Earth, they are considered contraband. You can seek passage to Earth using an IP as long as you are of the ET type. Earthlings, for whatever reason, outlawed the issuance of IPs on Earth in 1938, shortly after the War of the Worlds radio prank. 

That being said, you can still travel around the galaxy as long as you have an IP. To get one, I suggest you enlist the aid of an experienced counterfeiter (that is where they get expensive). I have seen some good work done by Earthlings, among them Nate Celnik and Dr. Rey.

That's it for me, folks. Expect a new post next week, again with a bit about US ELECTION 2008! 

-TOM!